Things That Make You Go Hmmm.

At some point, when thinking up a new product, some Japanese toy executive said: “I know! Russian Roulette for kids! That’ll be great!” And so Kaba Kick was created.

The “game” goes like this … you sit down with a bunch of your friends in a circle.  One by one you each put the toy gun (made to look like a cute little hippo) to your head and you pull the trigger.  You have to load eight rounds of candy colored ammo into your weapon, and one of them is live; if you are the lucky winner you get a swift kick to the head!  If you “survive” the round you win and earn points, but if you are kicked (killed) you obviously lose.  Gee, sounds like fun, right?!

“But mom, I want to pick up the dog’s poop just like you and daddy do!”  How many times have you heard a little girl say that?!  Well the execs over at Mattel seemed to think it was a pretty common thing when they came out with Barbie and her Dog Tanner in 1986.  With this toy, Barbie comes with a dog named Tanner, a poop scoop, and… well… dog poop.

The poop (a small, brown magnetic pellet) is fed to the dog by inserting it into his mouth (yes, the dog eats poop, though since it comes from the treat box I guess it is supposed to be a cookie at this point). Then Tanner poops it out when you push down on his tail. Barbie (you) can then use the poop scoop (also magnetic) to pick it up and dispose of it in an included trash can.  This toy is just as much fun as the real thing!

Truly anatomically correct dolls are a rare thing, and thank god because they really look pretty creepy.  Case in point is the Baby Pee Pee Doll made by Spanish company Formosa.  This “fun” doll will drink from a bottle, then waddle around on his own as it shouts, “Mummy, wee wee!”, after that the doll will wave its hand over its crotch as pressure mounts in its plastic bladder, then you can pull down the doll’s pants and let it doll pee into a toy potty, sitting down… or standing up.  So weird …

There wasn’t much to Aqua Dots, just a bunch of plastic bubbles that weakly bonded when you sprayed a little water on them. The idea was to put them into exciting patterns to create figures so crude they make a Lite Brite look like hi-def.  Something so pointless must be harmless, right? Sure, unless you do the one thing most natural thing to a child and ingest one. That’s because Aqua Dots, when exposed to water, form the same chemical as found in date rape drugs.  Good one.

Lots of lucky kids get to grow up on a farm, but what about those poor city kids whose urban existence didn’t expose them to such organic experiences? Luckily, in 1977 Kenner Toys was around to ensure that children from all walks of life could get down and dirty with the barnyard beasts, and pretend they were the proprietors of their very own dairy with the one, the only, the amazing – Milky, the Marvelous Milking Cow!  Milky will drink water through her see through trough, and then when she’s had enough she will moo to let you know it’s time to milk her. And then, well, that’s it, that’s all!  Oh yeah, and there’s a tarp so you don’t make a mess.


2 thoughts on “Things That Make You Go Hmmm.

  1. I just read an article about the making of toys. Did you know Chicago was the toy (creator)capital? I like Milky the cow…there is a current realistic bunny called Milky out just in time for Christmas in the UK. You can’t milk a bunny so it’s not really the same thing.

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